“Don’t waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people – unless it affects the common good. It will keep you from doing anything useful. You’ll be too preoccupied with what so-and-so is doing, and why, and what they’re saying, and what they’re thinking, and what they’re up to, and all the other things that throw you off and keep you from focusing on your own mind.” The famous Marcus Aurelius told this quote. Caring too much about what others think can delay your personal growth and happiness. It can keep you from being your true self and living a fulfilling life. This article explores why it’s important to stop worrying about others’ opinions and how to achieve this freedom.
The Wisdom of Marcus Aurelius:
In his book “Meditations,” Roman emperor and philosopher Marcus Aurelius counseled against wasting time on people’s opinions about one. In his opinion, this is not something that really helps us concentrate on our goals or well-being. Marcus mentioned that being so concerned about people’s opinions holds us back from doing anything practically useful.
The Problem with Caring About Others’ Opinions:
When we are overly concerned with other people’s thoughts, we will lose our sense of ourselves. We come to give priority to others’ expectations over our desires and values. This makes a life that is not ours but rather one shaped by others.
A Dialogue on Being Yourself:
Let’s see what that might look like in the following dialogue between Himari and a bartender in a small bar in Shinjuku:
Bartender (B): “If you’re attached to what other people think of you, you’ll never do anything truly useful.”
Himari (H): “What do you mean?”
B: “If you’re attached to what other people think of you, you’ll never be yourself. And being yourself is the only truly useful thing someone can do.”
H: “I don’t get it. How is being myself useful?”
B: “True usefulness comes from being what you are. Think about a tree: its fruits and oxygen are a byproduct of it being itself. The same holds true for us. We do useful things by being ourselves.”
H: “But aren’t I always myself?”
B: “Not quite. Just as a tree needs water, sunlight, and space to grow you need to push against the obstructions to be yourself. One of the biggest obstacles is caring about what others think.”
H: “How does caring about what others think to stop me from being myself?”
B: “When you care too much about others’ opinions, you avoid actions that might disappoint them. You end up living to meet their expectations instead of your own.”
H: “I guess you’re right. But what can I do? I depend on others’ opinions for my sense of security.”
B: “If your relationship depends on meeting someone’s expectations, it’s not a real relationship. You’re a prisoner to their idea of you.”
H: “That is true, but there is security in a jail.”
B: “Yes, but you’ve traded the entirety of your life for that security. What’s there to secure anymore?”
H: “Hmm. I never really thought about it that way. But no matter what I do, I’ll always depend on people’s opinions. That’s how the world works.
B: “If you sell water in a desert, does it matter what people think of you? If you produce something of real value, their opinions do not matter.”
H: “I guess you’re right. But how do I create something of value?”
B: “It’s not about how to create something of value but about how to become free. When you break free from your obstacles, the value comes naturally.”
Becoming Yourself:
The most useful thing you can do is to be yourself. The true value lies in overcoming your own obstacles and being true to yourself. This authenticity allows you to help others and make a meaningful impact.
Overcoming the Fear of Judgment:
Overcoming the fear of judgment requires courage and self-acceptance. Here are some steps to help you stop caring about other’s opinions:
- Self-Reflection: Know your values, goals, and what matters to you.
- Set Boundaries: Learn to say no to things that do not align with your values.
- Focus on Growth: Take challenges as opportunities for personal growth.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your efforts and progress.
- Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Build a network of people who respect and support your true self.
Conclusion:
Marcus Aurelius rightly said that too much care for others’ opinions prevents us from being useful. By overcoming this attachment, we can live authentically and make meaningful contributions to the world. Remember, true security comes from being yourself and creating value naturally. Let go of the fear of judgment, and embrace your true self.
FAQs:
1. Why should I stop caring about what others think?
Caring too much about others’ opinions can prevent you from being yourself and living a fulfilling life.
2. How can I overcome the fear of judgment?
Focus on self-reflection, set boundaries, embrace growth, practice self-compassion, and surround yourself with supportive people.
3. What did Marcus Aurelius say about caring what others think?
Marcus Aurelius advised against worrying about others’ opinions, as it distracts from personal growth and usefulness.
4. How does being myself help me create value?
Authenticity allows you to overcome obstacles and naturally create value through your unique strengths.
5. What are some steps to stop caring about others’ opinions?
Self-reflection, setting boundaries, focusing on growth, practicing self-compassion, and seeking supportive relationships.
6. Can caring about others’ opinions ever be beneficial?
While feedback can be helpful, excessive concern about others’ opinions can hinder personal growth and authenticity.